I want something really, really badly. An all-consuming fiery urge swells through my veins and I must have it. I need it.
Now I know what you’re thinking – ‘If you want it that badly, then just buy yourself one!’.
But I can’t. I simply can’t spend that much money on me. It’s an inbuilt thing whereby I get as far as ‘click to order’ and a little voice says in my ear ‘Shouldn’t you be paying the phone bill/buying groceries/finishing the kitchen with that money?’
So I have formulated a cunning plan (“as cunning as a fox what used to be Professor of Cunning at Oxford University but has moved on, and is now working for the UN at the High Commission of International Cunning Planning”*).
Ninety minutes with the warm, soft, cuddly sex-maniac that is my good self would normally set you back £150. An Amazon Kindle will set you back £111.
And so, the very first lovely gent to email me with a Kindle-shaped promise will get one and a half hours of my undivided and very special attention and will save himself £39, which he can then spend on marbles, string and whatever else it is you boys keep in your pockets.
I’ll be warming myself up in the meantime 😉
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*Baldrick, Blackadder Back and Forth