You know, some people will see that heading and their hearts will do a little flip. “Proof!” they’ll cry, “proof that she’s a hardened bitch who only thinks about the fee! We knew it all along, these hookers are all the same, they soften you up with smiles and snuggles and behind their eyelids the envelope full of banknotes is dancing a fandango!”
Sorry to disappoint you, folks, but this one really is about the envelope itself!
There’s been plenty of comment in Forum Land over the whole subject of the whether the fee for a liason should be presented in an envelope. The – erm, how shall I describe them… the Blunt Faction? Yes that’ll do – the Blunt Faction believe that the envelope is an affectation, and that the Fluffy Front need the envelope to hide the truth from themselves, to cloak the fact that it’s a paid encounter. The Fluffy Front tend to counter this with the argument that any flashing of cash is vulgar and that the use of an envelope is simply correct etiquette. The Lay-deez generally take the view that we don’t really care whether you use an envelope or not (although it is awfully handy if you are going to use one, if you could avoid writing on it or sealing it – this means we can use it again to pay the milkman. Much obliged.).
What is particularly nice, though, is when the envelope contains not only next month’s phone bill money, but also a card. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not demanding that those of you who previously just handed over the cash start beating a path to Hallmark and commence browsing – but some guys often pop the ‘punting vouchers’ inside a card and I have had some beauties over the years.
The first I ever received was a beautiful card with a picture of Sophia Loren on the front and the quote ‘If you haven’t cried, your eyes can’t be beautiful’. It was a reference to a conversation I’d had with the gent in question and the card meant more to me than the fee it contained ever could. The money is long gone, I still have the card.
In fact, I still have all the cards. Any card that any gent has ever chosen with me in mind is important to me. Some, of course, are very apt. One of my favourite gentlemen shares my love of cake (and shares cake with me, always a good thing) and this (left) is the card he brought with him yesterday!
There was cake. There were kisses.
There was other stuff too but for some reason the greetings cards manufacturers seem to shy away from oral sex 😉