Oh, the words which thrill the heart of any working girl!
I haven’t had as many unusual requests as some, I admit – and they are often ventured via phone rather than email. Gents often ask me ‘have you ever been asked for anything weird?’ and the one which sticks in my mind and which I usually relate happened very early in my career.
I answered the phone and the gentleman asked me “Are you very large?”
Well, my immediate response is “Why, are you very small?” but I managed to bite that one back and responded civilly “Yes, I am one of the larger BBW escorts in the UK.”
This was good news, apparently, and the conversation proceeded as follows:
Chap – “I do want a really large lady, you see. A really, really large lady. Because I’m married, you see, and I want us to see a really large lady together, for a threesome..”
Claire – “I see. Ok..?”
Chap -“Well you see my wife is very small. She’s a very petite lady, you see, very petite. Tiny in fact. She’s under four feet tall and very slim, she’s a size six, very tiny lady. And I think the contrast between you will be simply sensational, oh, yes, I think it will be wonderful…”
Claire cuts in hurriedly – “Ok. And your wife is equally excited, is she?”
Chap – “Ah well, as I was saying, I just think the contrast will be so thrilling, I want you to squash her you see.”
Claire – “Squash your wife?”
Chap – “Yes that’s right. I just think, oh, it will be wonderful to see you squash her, I’ll find it so very exciting to see her disappear from view beneath you, to know that she’s there, lost under all that wonderful flesh, oh, it will be fabulous..!”
Claire – “And your wife agrees? She thinks she’ll enjoy this?”
Chap – “Ah well.. I thought we’d surprise her.”
Well there was a long silence at my end of the phone whilst I digested this, and then I pointed out to him in no uncertain terms that a ‘surprise’ is a bunch of flowers, a box of Milk Tray or a nice meal out. It is not a 22st naked woman leaping at you from on top of the wardrobe!
I sent him off to consult with his no doubt long-suffering wife on the subject and invited him to call me back when she had told him her opinion -but I never heard from him again…