Amanda is here.
Despite all my blustering the other day about not needing a best friend, I confess to being deeply pleased that my mate is here and that we have been shopping together.
Shopping alone is no fun. Shopping as a fat bird is rarely fun anyway, as nothing fits and nothing looks as good ‘on’ as it does on the hanger. The bonus of going with a friend is that when you try something on and it looks frankly appalling, the two of you can look aghast for a moment and then wet yourselves laughing. When alone, you just add 400 paracetamol and a bottle of gin to your shopping list!
Today, for example, I tried on a purple showerproof mac. On the mannequin (which incidentally was a size 12 at the most, despite being in Evans The Fat Bird Shop) this mac was understated, elegant, stylish. When applied to the rather rotund personage writing this account, the mac became a ballerina tutu. They’d done something interesting at the rear with gathers – well, I’ve done something interesting to my rear with cake, and the gathers stuck out at a 90º angle and made me look rather like the Sugar Plum Fairy’s fat aunty 😦 .
I looked at the vision in the mirror. Over the shoulder of this reflected horror my eye caught that of Amanda. There was a pause – followed by a gale of laughter that nearly swept an unsuspecting fellow shopper into the changing rooms.
So you see having someone with you means that you get an honest, unvarnished opinion of your prospective purchases. It also means that when you discover you’ve brought the wrong bank card out with you, they can pay…