I’ve had this blog almost a week now so that’s plenty of time for you all to be sufficiently lulled into thinking it’s going be all funny anecdotes and pet pictures.
Buckle your seatbelts, make use of the ear defenders you’ll find under your seat and settle down comfortably – I’m going to have a rant.
I went to bed quite early last night, due to the ridiculously early start perpetrated by the Mad Dog yesterday morning. I’d changed the sheets on the bed too, which always makes me want to get between them. So off I toddled around 10pm with my book and my cocoa (Pepsi Max really but let’s not have the truth interfere with my scene-setting).
Since I am very elderly now I am often somewhat forgetful and last night I forgot to turn off my work phone. Around 11pm it rang. It does clearly state on my site that I prefer not to take calls after 9pm, and that I definitely don’t accept bookings after 10pm. But hey, 11pm is hardly a shooting offence, is it? So I wasn’t too annoyed, just ignored it and snuggled down.
I was a little narked by the muppet who called at 2.57 am though. Wouldn’t you be?
Now, I know that some gentlemen get home from what I understand the young folk call ‘clubbing’ at that unholy hour. So perhaps my caller was just having a spot of trouble getting his paisley pyjamas to close around his burgeoning erection and was calling upon me to aid him. He had to cope on his own though. I was going nowhere at that time. I was firmly ensconced in my pit and was getting out of it for no-one until at least….
…5.57 am. Which was when Caller No. 3, who we will call Mr F***wit, rang me. This one woke me, and snuggling back down wasn’t an option as I needed the loo by then. So I got up, and sent him a slightly brusque text informing him that his calls were not welcome to this number, not now, not ever. It was short. Pithy. You might say it was blunt.
It didn’t stop him calling back at ten to seven, though.
So, Mr F***wit, if you’re reading this – I’d like to say I’m sorry for what I called you. I’d like to. But I can’t.
Normal blog service will be resumed tomorrow!