Old Timers Disease?

Published February 13, 2013 by Claire

You know, I’ve now entered my fortieth year. My birthday isn’t until July but this is it, this is the year I turn forty (and life, allegedly, begins – although if the bit I’ve been doing for the last 39 years isn’t ‘life’ then god help me!).

My mother ‘retired’ just past forty. Not just from work, but practically from life. She decided to become Professionally Helpless. You know the type – “Could you just come over and do XYZ because as you know I don’t really understand all that..” When it seemed that we might not allow her to become helpless, that we might actually insist she was still perfectly capable of conducting her own life – well,  then she became Deliberately Inept. I would watch her failing to do things which I was quite certain she’d been capable of the previous day, and which I was quite certain she was still able to do perfectly adequately. This frustrated the hell out of me!

So why, having lived through this and been frustrated by it, am I catching myself doing the same thing to my two offshoots?

“TMBK, I’m so glad you’re home, the curtain pole needs adjusting and as you know I can’t do it…”

“Stiiii-iiig! Stig! Just run upstairs and get me X, Y, Z, please? I’m…busy… and can’t go myself”..

I was not busy! I was sitting on my fat arse trying to look busy so as not to have to go myself! And I am more than capable of adjusting the damn curtain pole.

It’s basically laziness, isn’t it? Must stop that.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In other news, I’m about to remodel my website and hopefully get some new pics taken. Watch this space…


Goodbye, 2012!

Published December 31, 2012 by Claire

Jeez, it’s been an arse of a year!

At the time of writing 2012 is set to be the wettest year on record and oh BOY! have I felt it! At times it’s seemed like every drop of that rain has slid down my window panes and I really don’t do that well without sunshine. Around mid-November I started to take a ‘sunshine vitamin’ and I do think it helped to lift my mood a bit, things have been looking up since then.

So, with the new year stretching ahead, full of possibility, I looked at my life and though ‘what should I change?’. The answer came to me very quickly – ‘Enough of this Punternet Moderating stuff already!’

I’ve been a Pnet mod for several years, and I believe I’m justified in saying I have achieved the dizzy heights of  ‘Least Popular Female Moderator In the World’ – or at least in the UK sex scene. Ach, you know what, I can live with that. I’d have preferred the overall title but I think Ghenghis still has that one in his trophy room.

So –  so long, mod boots! I’ll go back to being just an ‘ordinary’ poster and try not to get banned too quickly.

And bring on 2013! I’m looking forward to seeing some of my lovely chaps (some of whom I haven’t seen for FAR TOO LONG, you know who you are!) and to meeting some lovely new chaps too. See you in the New Year!


Happy Birthday …

Published July 24, 2012 by Claire

Happy Birthday to me!

Yes, another year has passed, and today I hit 39.

This means that I have 364 days left of telling people ‘I’m in my thirties’; which I’m sure you all know means ‘young’. From 24th July next year, I shall have start telling people ‘Just turned forty’ and watch as they start checking me out for Clarks’ sandals and comfy cardies (by the way, Amanda has a pair of Clarks’ sandals. Just sayin’.). Of course, I could always do what my Uncle John did – he went from thirty-nine to thirty-ten, thirty-eleven, thirty-twelve….

I’ve had a splendiferous day, though. After a brief visit from my parents (during which they told me I was going to die young) we went out (Self, Amanda, Stig, Friend of Stig and Mr Fish the boy-next-door) to the seaside for the day. When I say seaside I should confess that I mean Weston-Super-Mare, and that as Amanda pointed out, even once we were parked on the beach we were most decidedly NOT beside the sea. The sea was about twenty miles out and seemed to be heading for the shores of North America at a fair old lick.

But we sat on the beach and fried our little brains for a bit, then we had an ice-cream, then we buried the boy-next-door in the sand. We had to dig him up again though ‘cos he was complaining that his bollocks were going numb in the cold sand.

Then we had chips, walked a million miles back along the prom to where we had parked the car (which incidentally was practically in the next county), and came home to de-sand. That stuff gets EVERYWHERE.

I’ve never been so knackered in my life! How on earth do all the little old dinks manage? They’re always to be seen pottering up and down the seafront, and they seem to thrive on it – Amanda and I look like a pair of used dishcloths this evening!

Anyway, thankyou to all the lovely chaps and chapettes who sent me birthday wishes, I’m off to update the age on my website before I get accused of false advertising!


Published July 23, 2012 by Claire

A message to the FOOL who attempted to join UKP today in ‘my’ name.

You took a name from the photos on my website, didn’t you? You saw that they were labelled ‘Deb Stacey 1, Deb Stacey 2’ etc, and you thought ‘Oooh, Claire’s real name is Deb Stacey, I will join UKP with that as my username and cause some trouble!’


Firstly, the rejection email came to me, so I could see what you did, and secondly, Deb Stacey is the name of the photographer who took the pictures.

Crawl back under your stone, silly person.

Off to the ‘pool!

Published June 1, 2012 by Claire

No, I don’t intending scaring small children and amusing lifeguards with the sight of me in my swimsuit at the local Lido – I mean that I’m off to Liverpool for a couple of days.

Yes, I’ll be in a nice centrally located apartment on Friday 15th and Saturday 16th June and would love to get my hands on some of the locals. So if you think you can handle me, let me know – my availability is already quite limited so get in quick!

See you soon!

Now that’s what I call… Art.

Published February 13, 2012 by Claire

Wanna see something pretty?


Isn’t that just the most stunning thing you’ve ever seen? You can keep the Mona Lisa, Tracy Emin’s bed and everything Jackson Pollock ever brought out of the depths of his nightmares – this, my friends, is Art.

I’m not providing a link though because it costs a STUPID sum of money!

Happy Valentine’s Day for tomorrow, folks x